Crave A Deeper Connection With Your Kids? Here's One Way To Get There.
“The shortest distance between two people is a smile.”
A simple tiny smile can do so many wonderful things!
It feels amazing, makes us feel loved or at least liked. It gives security, a place of belonging in the world and make s us feel so wonderfully warm inside. It’s soul medicine and a distance breaker.
And a smile is not the only way to do that. In fact Gordon Neufield describes “6 ways of attaching”, which are basically 6 ways to create closeness.
Using our Senses to feel close
This is the most basic way to create closeness.
We touch each other when we hug, give kisses, hold hands or give each other a friendly tap on the shoulder.
Our voice can break distance. We hum lullabies to calm a baby, talk for hours to stay in touch with our friends, sometimes without saying anything
important. And we listen to music to feel less alone when no one is around.
Smell is a sense that can bring back the strongest memories from our past. Do you connect the smell of blown candles with birthdays or Christmas? Wet leaves with fall or a certain perfume with a person you love? Infants feel much calmer when they can smell their mom too.
A smile we see with our eyes. We see how far away people stand from us. We see if their faces are friendly or when their arms are crossed or fists are clenched.
So yes, using our senses is the most basic way to create closeness.
It's so basic, even infants use it. They might coo instead of talking, and see little in the very beginning, but for the first year of life this is
THE way to feel close to someone – and we all use our senses to feel connected a lot for the rest of our lives.
Which sense is your favourite one?
Everyone is different. Everyone prefers some senses over others.
Some people like to be touched a lot to feel liked, others are very sensitive to touch and prefer to see written notes or smiles.
Some people are very sensitive to sounds or smells. To them roses stink and an excited voice can feel like yelling. Others need to hear our voice bursting with energy. Otherwise they can’t be sure we are really there for them.
The time of the day makes a difference too.
Have you ever felt “touched out” after a long day with your kids? What happens when your partner comes home then and wants to give you a wonderful long hug? I’d sometimes prefer a smile across the room that says: “Hi, I love you. I know how you feel. Go for the run you
crave. I’ll take care of everything here.”
Which sense do you prefer? Touch? Hearing? Smell? Seeing?
What about your kids? How do they show their love most often?
Can you think of 20 small things you can do to create a little moment of closeness with your kids?
Use them to fill your kid’s emotional bank accounts.
And now I’d love to hear from you:
Which three things do you choose to surprise your kids with tomorrow morning?
As always thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts.