Creating Superpowers by Being Human
Are you ready to discover your superpowers?
Wouldn't it be great to have a tool that could turn your weaknesses into strengths? Something that would for example take all your frustration and anger about a situation with your kids and turn it into solutions and love and connection with them instead?
A strategy that goes far beyond "coping with frustration" and instead harvests the diamonds that are hidden beneath your explosive emotions, providing you with peace from within along the way?
A tool that is easy to use and with a little practice you can use it
(almost) anytime, anywhere?
This Tool Exists!
You know, in those situations when your kids just don't do what you ask them to do? In moments when you want to come up with a proper consequence to your kids' behaviour but you just can't think of anything that fits the crime and is still positively helpful? That's when I use Byron Katie's powerful process of inquiry.
It helps me when my kids' behaviour drives me nuts and makes me feel stuck or powerless or overwhelmed or frustrated or all of that.
It is there for me (and you) whenever you wonder where all your positive strength has gone and good parenting skills feel like a distant lost memory.
So don't despair. Just be prepared to do some work.
The Work of Byron Katie
Now let me introduce you to the creator of this wonderful system of inquiry: Byron Katie
Today, Byron Katie has one job: to show people how to stop suffering. When Katie appears, lives change.
In 1986, at the bottom of a ten-year spiral into depression, rage, and self-loathing, Katie woke up one morning to a state of constant joy that has never left her. She realized that when she believed her stressful thoughts, she suffered, but that when she questioned them, she didn't suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Her simple yet powerful process of inquiry is called The Work.
The Work consists of four questions and the turnarounds, which are a way of experiencing the opposite of what you believe. When you question a thought, you see around it to the choices beyond suffering.
Katie has been bringing The Work to millions of people for more than twenty-five years. Her public events, weekend workshops, five-day intensives, nine-day School for The Work, and 28-day residential Turnaround House have brought freedom to people all over the world.
Byron Katie's six books include the bestselling Loving What Is, I Need Your Love—Is That True?, and A Thousand Names for Joy. For more information, visit thework.com
Four Questions That Might Turn Around Your Parenting Journey
So here's the How To.
1. Pick a belief that stresses you.
What on your parenting journey irritates or angers or frustrates you a lot at the moment. Pick just one thing randomly and write it down.
To aid with that you can also download Katie's "Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet
" and answer the questions there, in respect to your son or daughter or whoever gives you a hard time on your parenting journey.
Please bear in mind that - as Katie says - "The Work is meditation.
It’s about opening to your heart, not about trying to change your thoughts. Ask the questions, then go inside and wait for the deeper answers to surface."
2. Answer 4 Questions
So answer the following 4 questions about the above statement in writing.
1. Is it true? (Yes or no)
2. Are you really sure that it's true? (Yes or no)
3. How do you feel when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought? (Close your eyes and imagine this moment without that thought)
The Facilitation Guide
might help you with that.
3. Turn the thought around
Now find the opposite of that thought. Is this opposite just as true? Find one specific way in which it is true. What's another example?
There are two other ways to turn this thought around
You can be the one who should or shouldn't or needs to do something for 1. yourself and 2. for the one that is named in your original.
Sit with those turn arounds. Quietly let the answers come to you. It is in those answers that your best parenting advice might be hidden.
The very best parenting advice,
the one that is most appropriate to our situation,
lies often hidden inside ourselves.
Update your parenting toolbox
So, now it's over to you.
This week I challenge you to take just one thought that troubles you and do "The Work" on that.
Then I invite you to share your thought and resulting findings in the comments below. Did you have any aha-moments? Please share them in as much detail as you can. Your insight might be just the thing that helps someone else to keep going.
Thank you for reading, sharing and contributing. I’m deeply grateful to you and can’t wait to see what insights you share.
With all my love,