Understanding and helping grieving fathers isn't usually easy. Men tend to handle emotions so differently than women and their grief is no exception. Unfortunately this difference, added to the stress of losing a child, causes many parents to split up only few months after loosing their precious child.
I hope this page helps grieving parents by showing the
different ways men and women deal with grief. Understanding and
accepting each others different ways of handling grief
is so important to support each other well. It also helps to avoid
destructive blame and opens the way for a renewed, deeper
relationship between grieving parents.
Grieving fathers respond to the sad event very differently - and sometimes in a way that puzzles mothers, as many don't show their grief.
To all grieving mothers: this is very common, not necessarily a need to worry and can have many, often several causes.
|Grieving mothers very often||Grieving fathers very often|
|need to talk||don't want to talk|
|cry a lot and seek out support groups||hide their pain and make it up on their own|
|ask the same questions again and again, hoping to find understanding||don't know what else to answer, wishing they could fix things|
|read books on grief and write to sort out the pain||disappear in the
shed not to be seen again
|feel he should grieve her way||need space to grieve their way|
|seek understanding and hugs to feel close||look for closeness in sexual intimacy|
|need 9 - 24 months or more to resolve their grief||make peace with their grief in 3-6 months|
|have the impression their partners don't grieve||feel their spouses needs professional help after 6 months|
Even though every fathers grieving is unique, knowing about the above tendencies helped us a lot. It didn't only help me understand my partners reactions much better, it also gave me some ideas about how I could try to cope with my grief.
One thing we did do together for example was renovating our living room - the room we had chosen for Lars home birth (which didn't happen), and the room our son had chosen to prepare me for his death. While it was dark and old before, it's now bright and full of life. A place that we truly enjoy being in and a place that helps us cherishing the memories of our son.Return to top
Do I feel responsible for the well being of my wife?
How much support do I find from my own resources, how much from other sources, how much from my partner?
Is there anyone I can talk to about this experience honestly and in all its depth? How could I find someone? Do I want to find someone?
Which impact does my work have on me? Does it block my emotions or can I change my emotions through my work?
What activity helps me connect and work through my grief?
Do I have enough time and space to grieve?
How do I grieve?
What are my needs in my grief and how do I communicate them to others?
Grieving fathers: This is a place for you to share your story and how you experience(d) this challenging time.
You're not alone. Click on the links below to see how other fathers have experienced this challenging time of grief.
A Father`s grief,( on paper )
I lost my daughter 6 years ago. After a long bout with beer, drugs and pills she decided to end her life by taking the pills the doctors prescribed …
Our Daughter was 33
April 21st 2012 our world changed from a normal family with normal problems to a family destroyed by the sudden death of our daughter. She left two beautiful …
My oldest son Joshua Tyler was born 23.Oct.2008. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor of 09.July 2009. The doctors insisted it was colic or acid reflux. …
a grieving fathers view
Lana was a mircle for us... 3 years ago, my wife was told that she could not have children. After a year of "trying" we were surprised by a pregnancy …
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