April 21st 2012 our world changed from a normal family with normal problems to a family destroyed by the sudden death of our daughter. She left two beautiful girls age 11 and 15. I could write a book about the sadness, grief, shock, pain and anger, instead I will fast forward to today and the emotions we all feel in the present.
The girls are coping but still carry a heavy burden, filled with anxiety and the reality that mom won't be there as they make their way through life. My wife is still trying to pick up the pieces of her broken heart and honestly I don't think she will ever fully recover. When we lose a child it changes our lives in a way that only our peers who have suffered the same loss can understand.
Meantime as a father I have to work, try to help the rest of the family and find time to grieve myself. It's very hard and just an hour ago I screamed nasty words at my wife for not understanding what happened the day our darling daughter passed away. Am I becoming a bad man? Should I seek counseling? All they will tell me is what I already know. It's not going to change and I need to put one foot in front of the other and time will heal the pain.
I'm at a loss as what to do going forward. The eldest of the girls came to live with us and has taken the hard road. That again had us putting all our energy and focus on getting her back on track. My wife and I argue constantly because of the Agra daughter we love. I find I'm almost to a point where I am prepared to as her to leave at the age of 18. Is this the answer? I don't know.
What I do know is, if I don't start putting myself first I'm not going to be around to help anyone else. O much of a plan...always have patience with your fellow person and you never know what's going on behind their eyes .