What do you have in common with your kids?
“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another:"What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."”
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
After last weeks challenge
to get closer to our kids in a literal, physical way, this week I challenge you to find, highlight and create more common ground together.
Having things in common and sharing those is the second way or step to connect as it’s described by Susan Stiffelman in her book “Parenting Without Power Struggles”
. She calls it “Sameness”.
Kids start to connect in that way around age 1. It gives them more freedom, because when they can be like you they don’t need to be with you to feel connected. (1
Have you noticed how one year olds start copying the people around them? From trying to dress themselves and putting on daddies shoes to washing the dishes or trying to climb the same obstacle course as their big brother does? Sure, this is how they learn. And it also creates connection.
Take the gang of teens that all dress and talk and move in the same fashion. – Often markedly different from everyone else. This connection amongst the members and disconnection from others keeps the group strong.
Think of your own friends. Chances are that you are friends because you have something in common. There is at least one interest or life circumstance where your folks just get you. Not much explanation needed. Aah, bliss, a safe circle of soul mates ;).
4 Things You Can Do To Strengthen This Sameness With Your Kids
No Matter How Old They Are
- Highlight the interests and passions you have in common.
Be it a love for puzzles or horses, climbing or dancing or snuggling up with a book. (Re)discover it, do it together, talk about it and take pictures while you do so you can remember those moments later as well.
- Create routines that you do together
Be it the family dinner or good night kisses, brushing your teeth together or having a special way to say good bye.
Oh, and be mindful here, your kids will copy your mannerisms, often without even knowing that they do. So sometimes, when your kids do something irritating, check first whether you do it too.
- Show the world by looking alike.
Clothing styles, hairdo, favourite colours, friendship bracelets,…,
even gadgets can do this job.
- Finally you can create a secret sense connection too,
through secret rituals, passwords or phrases,…, and real secrets of
And now I’d like to hear from you:
In the comments below please let us know:
Which of the above speaks to you the most?
What exactly would or will you do to give the connection with your kids a boost?
Please share as much detail as you possibly can. I’m curious about your sparks of inspiration.
Did you like this challenge? Then please share it with your friends.
Thank you so much for listening and chipping in.
With all my love.